{"id":279,"date":"2016-08-21T09:57:56","date_gmt":"2016-08-21T09:57:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/?p=279"},"modified":"2021-04-14T14:45:45","modified_gmt":"2021-04-14T14:45:45","slug":"silence-and-its-cost-to-us-in-our-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/2016\/08\/21\/silence-and-its-cost-to-us-in-our-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Silence, its cost and power and why we should probably blame Disney!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"bristol-counselling-blog-batb\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Silence\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. think about that word for a moment. What does that word mean to you? Often it can be associated with positivity. How many times have you heard your parents say I just want some peace and quiet? There are many songs out there about silence, a popular example is Ronan Keating\u2019s \u2018Say Nothing at all\u2019. The silence I want to address is not the void left in a stadium after everybody has gone home or the peace and quiet a parent might try to obtain at the end of a busy day full of demands from their children.<\/span>
\nThe silence I want to discuss is the one where we say I will keep my mouth shut. Or when we say its fine! Fine is an example of how we use language today and say what we don\u2019t actually mean. Fine is used all the time and rarely means what it suggests. An example of this might be when someone has agreed to do a big favour for somebody but has had to cancel their own plans to do it. The question will be asked \u2018are you sure?\u2019 and the response will often be \u2018yes its fine.\u2019 Or how about that time when somebody accidently breaks something valuable to you, it was an accident, you don\u2019t want to make the person feel any worse. When they say \u2018I\u2019m so sorry\u2019 often the response is \u2018its fine, don\u2019t worry.\u2019<\/span>
\nA place that often holds examples of silence is in the early stages of a relationship. Relationships are founded in a juvenile place, for example. \u2018I love you\u2019 \u2018I love you too, we will be together forever\u2019 \u2018yes we will live happily ever after.\u2019 \u2018lets live in a big house with 2.4 children\u2019 this is just a few examples of what I mean by juvenile place. So relationships are great to begin with, they are all born out of the things Walt Disney taught us, living happily ever after with a prince or princess in the presence of small furry animals and light blue coloured birds. <\/span>
\nTo stay in this place of adventure and excitement it is possible that a blind eye is turned to some of the things that are not so Walt Disney. An example of this could be after a couple of dates the woman has a bit too much to drink and becomes a lot more flirty than normal even with the waiter. The man in this partnership may think about their conversation a couple of hours before ie \u2018so what would we call our first child?\u2019 \u2018where might be a nice place to go on family holidays?\u2019<\/span>
\nThe man chooses not to challenge her flirty behaviour towards the waiter because it taints the Walt Disney image and there might be a disagreement. Another example could be the man speaks to her in a way that is disrespectful in public but rather than stand her ground and challenge the disrespect, she wants to continue with her Walt Disney version and chooses not to say anything.<\/span>
\nPicture this, so the man starts going out a bit more frequently with his mates, he says to his partner \u2018I am meeting my mate at the pub after work tonight.\u2019 Inside she is thinking this is the third time this week but of course because she does not say how she truly feels, she will say \u2018yeah that\u2019s FINE!\u2019 even though it is not. Then I imagine she will think about the time he disrespected her in public, along with the way he never clears up after himself, along with the fact he hasn\u2019t introduced her to his family yet and the list goes on.<\/span>
\nThe way this is likely to present itself now is she will now bank all the things he has done wrong in her eyes and when she can\u2019t take it no more she will present them all at the same time. The man on the other hand is likely not to say anything at all about the flirting with the waiter because men often choose to say nothing for a peaceful life as men quite stereo typically don\u2019t talk about their feelings.<\/span>
\nThe negative side of this is the couple either eventually split up because they didn\u2019t communicate their unhappiness for fear of tainting the Walt Disney image. Or they stay together and become passive aggressive, she may become more deliberately flirty in front of him to get his attention and to take him back to the place of conflict. Or she continues to bank the things he does and big rows may be out of context because enough is enough boils over at a time not fitting with the next committed offence in her eyes. For example, she is angry he was rude to her mum, but she banked it, she was angry that he didn\u2019t interact with her friend when she came over, she is annoyed he doesn\u2019t clean up the bathroom when he is finished but it\u2019s when he walks in the house with muddy feet that she finally loses it.<\/span>
\nHe might choose not to say anything about what bothers him but stores up the things she does wrong inside and could then begin to resent her or doing anything for her. Or he could avoid her altogether and become passive aggressive by choosing to meet his friends more often after work instead of going home to his girlfriend.<\/span>
\nSo how does this cost us? What can happen as a result of keeping silent? There are ideologies out there to suggest illnesses can happen in the stomach for holding on to things. In the throat, disease and coughs can develop for not saying what we need to. Helplessness can set in as a result of not dealing with conflicts.<\/span>
\nThese are just a few scenarios of how keeping quiet about the things that we don\u2019t agree with can present themselves. Of course the male and female role could operate vice versa but I have chose to use stereotypical behaviour. Stereo typing is of course not an exact science but in my experience the way I have written this blog is using likely behaviour from either sex.<\/span>
\nIf anything mentioned here has had an effect on you and you would like a private confidential plac<\/span>
\nVisit brighter-pathways.co.uk<\/a><\/span>
\nIf you have enjoyed reading this blog please like my page and share it and check out my other blogs on my website.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Silence\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.. think about that word for a moment. What does that word mean to you? Often it can be associated with positivity. How many times have you heard your parents say I just want some peace and quiet? There are many songs out there about silence, a popular example is Ronan Keating\u2019s \u2018Say Nothing at…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=279"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":341,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279\/revisions\/341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brighter-pathways.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}