Today’s blog dips into an ideology that some consider controversial by its very nature. It’s roots suggest there is no god, and whilst things happen good or bad, this ideology suggests that things don’t happen for a reason instead they ‘just do’.

I am talking about existentialism, my first brush with what existentialism is (other than a mouthful to pronounce) was when I came across a quote in a book by one of existentialism’s famous thinkers Irvine Yalom. His quote read

“Human beings must face up to the ultimate meaninglessness of their existence, that there exists no “meaning” no grand design in the universe, no guidelines for living other than that the individual creates.”

When I first read this statement I couldn’t help but feel wounded by it. Right at the core of me, I felt pulled but the realness wanted me to rebel also. I shared it with my lecturer at the time and there was something in her that bolted like she didn’t want to hear or acknowledge it.

The word meaninglessness could be mistaken for worthlessness but I’m not sure that’s it. I think it comes from a place that life is extremely valuable to the individual, I feel it’s an attempt to free us as individuals from some of the meanings we have programmed into us from a young age. Things like ‘having a good career means you will have a good life.’ ‘You should get married and live happily ever after.’ ‘There is a god and you should believe in him/her and if you don’t you will live an eternity of horribleness when your existence seizes to happen.’

In my opinion having a good career benefits a capitalist society. Getting married prevents promiscuous behaviour and promotes a secure financial and emotional space for a child to be born. Believing in a god helps financially support a church and advertises another set of meanings some positive some not so.

Existential thinking on the other hand promotes free thinking, it encourages us to identify what our own individual wants and beliefs are, for example if being a nurse is what you want to do because helping people lights up your soul then you are living for your own existential meaning. If your mother was a nurse and you want to live in her footsteps then you are not living for your own existence you are doing it for your mothers.

If you believe in a god that is the same as your families for some level of conformity then you are not living for your own meaning, you are doing it to fit in. If on the other hand you believe in god because you are sold on the riches of your religions afterlife and you get comfort from this perhaps it could be argued that this is your meaning.

Sometimes something happens in our lives that makes us question our own mortality and we look at our values and meaning. An example of this could be when we have been made redundant or a friend or loved one dies this is when we ask ourselves ‘how would they measure their existence?’ and that makes us wonder how we would measure our own.

I often think about things existentially, for example if I am thinking about starting something new but am unsure. I think about how I would feel after its done, or at the end of my life will I look back and think to myself ‘I am glad I had done that thing, my life wouldn’t have felt complete otherwise.’ Or alternatively you may ask what might it feel like at the end of your life if you hadn’t completed that thing. These things could be something as big as having children to undergoing a course of study or having a career change.

Some of the statements made within existentialism can be really hard hitting and controversial, for example ‘there is no god’ what I think is meant here is remove external influences when making decisions. Live your life by your own conditions. This is probably what was meant by Karl Marx’s (famous communist) statement ‘God takes away our own human super powers.’ If we make decisions without god as an influence we can take full credit for it and self actualise as a result of it, I believe some of us need to realise that we are truly amazing but I also recognise some of us need to do some work to realise this.

This blog is aimed at helping you to think a little bit more existentially for the good of your own life. Here are some tips on how you can incorporate existential thinking.

1. Don’t make decisions to please others, it will more than likely create resentment.
2. Think about how the end of something will make you feel when you are questioning your ability to complete something.
3. Ask yourself from time to time, ‘at the end of my life will I be happy with what I have achieved?’
4. Give yourself time to think in a quiet space, ask the voice within are you thinking for yourself or are you being guided by external influences unknowingly?
5. Praise yourself for your own success, you may have had support but it was you that stuck in there.

 

If in doubt counselling can be a way to look at your own existence from an existential perspective before a crisis happens, it can be a way to explore what decisions are best for you.

Of course counselling often happens when we are in crisis generally not when we are asking existential questions. My experience is when people are in counselling after the crisis they recognise the power of the counselling space as a tool for self-discovery. I therefore encourage people to consider counselling as an opportunity to seek clarity on our own life purpose.

Start your counselling journey today www.brighter-pathways.co.uk

I welcome people’s interaction and comments on my blogs, even if your opinion differs from mine. So please feel free to comment as appropriate.