Today I am going to write a blog about how difficult it is to be a woman in society today.

Of course those that know me might scoff how I might know such a thing being male. Well I have a few sisters, I used to teach approximately 120 young ladies whilst working in a predominantly female environment.  I have seen the difficulties presented to me in counselling sessions, I also think there is something so obvious about the struggles and pressures of women today.

Women are under constant pressure to look their best but this pressure often comes from the individual. A pressure to be as attractive as other women and whilst this pressure for some is as expensive as their beauty products which I might add feels a really inappropriate name. They all promise to do some unrealistic outcome at an ever increasing price. What seems more alarming is the amount of young woman prepared to go to the extremes of going under the knife. theconsultingroom.com says 51,000 people had cosmetic surgery in 2015 and this number is rising each year.

The ability to manipulate photos has become easier and easier to do, with most mobile phones with a camera including basic photo manipulating tools. This has enabled a lot of inaccurate information to be uploaded via social media. Accurate being true to life and real, inaccurate being manipulated images that are doctored to create unreal perfection.

Once upon a time this only happened in glossy magazines or newspapers. Now the ability to create flawless images is not only completely wide spread and accepted it is just a normal part of everyday life. This of course wouldn’t be a problem however women are comparing themselves to this and competing with it when in reality it is un compete able. (The image I have used in this blog I would like to say I am not using it as a name and shame exercise but to show of the transformation that can be obtained.)

On the other side of that is if you don’t strive to be your best then you look uncared for or un kept. I can only imagine this is born out of tabloid newspapers shaming celebrities for having cellulite or being caught with no make-up on. Whilst this may sell newspapers it pokes around in a place that is serious. That place is shame.

It is the very thing we teach our children from a young age, not to make fun of people. Our tabloid newspapers do it to sell newspapers. This has quite possibly created the photo shop era that is destroying the self-esteem of young women today to the extreme of painstaking procedures and operations to compete with the unrealistic representation of female images today, in an attempt to avoid feeling shame. To elaborate on that further, shame in this scenario is I feel like I do not want to exist because I don’t look a certain way, people won’t like me because I don’t look like her and that makes me feel ashamed.

This is of course is not helped by the fact from a young age we might say to a young girl. That’s a pretty dress or I like your hair, don’t you have a nice smile. The praise that comes with these comments set up feelings of positivity but later can result in negative feelings when positivity is not given. This later on in life can encourage feelings of worthlessness due to not receiving positive enforcement.

More recently there is a phenomenon on social media where young women upload images of themselves to see how many likes that image can get. If that image does not get the desired amount of likes the feelings this generates is shame and unworthiness. This is likely to turn into feelings of not being good enough and a more than likely increase the use of cosmetics.

I believe this in turn fuels anxiety, and depression and increases the risk of self-harm, un nutritional fad diets and eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia. I have seen these conditions on the fore front and the number of cases are increasing. We need to act now as a society to prevent these numbers from further increasing.

Here are some ideas I would encourage anyone with self-image concerns to take into consideration here are a couple of things I believe can help you work towards a happier you.

Don’t compete with the way other people look, you are not them they are not you.

Remember many of the pictures you see today, even of your Facebook friends are photo shopped.

There is only ever going to be one you, be you gracefully.

One person’s opinion is not a fact.

Smile like you mean it and feel the changes within.

Confidence is a powerful and attractive trait, confidence can be faked remember that 😉

Here is a quote from a famous cosmetic and fashion designer                           

“The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.” 
― Yves Saint-Laurent

I believe that working through our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and checking out some of the realities and truths we tell ourselves on a day to day basis within counselling, can be the first steps to working towards a positive self-esteem.

Brighter Pathways counselling can offer affordable rates for counselling tailored to your circumstances. We can come to you or if you prefer you can come to us in a range of locations in the Bristol/South Gloucestershire area. Contact us on 07903319318 or email brighterpathwayz@gmail.com alternatively visit brighter-pathways.co.uk to find out more.